If's & Maybe's
by YlvaUllsdotter
Summary: At the end of Heart of Gold, Inara intends to tell Mal she's leaving, but ends up ... not.


**If's & Maybe's**

Thinking of what happened at the Heart of Gold, with Nandi, and the other women there, he suddenly knows he has to tell her how he feels before it's too late. He slides around the corner, closer to her, facing her, his blue eyes gazing into her molten brown as he tries to find the words.

"Inara...I ain't lookin for anything from you. I'm just...just feeling kinda truthsome right now and...life's just too damn short for if's and maybe's."

She can tell from the raw expression on his face, and the way he fumbles for words, what he wants to say, and she interrupts him with words of her own.

"I learned something from Nandi. Not just from what happened, but from her. The family she made...the strength of her love for them, it's what kept them together. When you live with that kind of strength...you get tied to it...can't break away...and you never want to."

She means to tell him she's leaving, but looking into his eyes, she just can't bring herself to say the words. Perhaps it's that she stayed too long, got too tied to his strength, and the strength of their

little family, or perhaps it's just that his feelings for her are so obvious to her. Perhaps it's that her feelings for him are stronger than she'd like. Whatever the reason, although she means to say she's

leaving, the words she hears herself say are the opposite.

"There's something... There's something I should've done a long while ago, and I'm sorry, for both of us, that it took me this long."

Instead of telling him with words, she closes the space between them with a single step and places a soft hand on his cheek, pulling his face down as she rises up to meet him in a soft, tentative kiss. It lasts only a heartbeat before she pulls back slightly to guage his reaction. They stare into each other's eyes for what seems an eternity before he reaches up to cradle her face in his hands as he kisses her hungrily. Her arms slip around his neck, fingers entwining in his hair, as she kisses him back parting her lips slightly to flick her tongue over his lips. He responds immediately, parting his own lips and their tongues meet, caressing, softly at first, then with the deep need they both feel for each other.

Pulling back and trying to control her breathing, she takes his hand and pulls him with her toward her shuttle. He lets her pull him with her, a slightly dazed look on his face as if he can't believe his dreams are finally coming true.

He blinks at the sound of the shuttle door closing behind them, his darkened eyes searching and finding hers. The hand she was holding slips from hers to caress her wrist, and slide up her sleeve to her neckline. She shivers as she feels his fingertips trace the neckline of her blouse and continue up the side of her neck to brush her hair back from her face. Eyes still locked together, he moves in to kiss her again, only breaking eye contact a split second before their lips meet.

Her hands go to the buttons on his shirt, deft fingers undoing them in quick succession to expose his chest to her touch. He shivers as she slides both hands up along his abdomen to his chest and on to his shoulders to slip the shirt off down his arms. His own hands slide down her back to the waistline of her blouse, slipping underneath almost hesitantly, raising the heavy fabric inch by inch as his hands explore the soft skin of her back and sides.

She breaks their kiss to take a small step back and lift her arms above her head, urging him silently to remove her clothing. He is quick to comply and moments later he moans low in his throat as he feels her naked breasts press against the exposed skin of his chest. Only in his wildest fantasies could he have imagined he would ever feel her soft creamy skin pressed against his own naked flesh.

Quickly she unzips her skirt and lets it pool at her feet, moving her hands to the waistline of his pants. He sucks in a breath as he feels her fingers slide just inside the waist of his pants, from his back and around to the front. Her skilled fingers have his pants unbuttoned in moments and she slips one hand into them to wrap around his already hard shaft. Their lips meet in a hungry kiss and she feels his moan vibrate in his throat as her hand strokes his length. Her years of training forgotten, she acts only on instinct and the desire she feels for him when she pushes him back onto her bed and straddles him.

Somehow he has managed to kick off his boots and his pants soon follow, their bodies pressing together as if attempting to become a single entity. Hands, then lips and tongues, roam freely exploring each other's bodies, finding all the sensitive places and learning how to bring each other pleasure. Her legs wrap around him as he blazes a trail of kisses from her lips, down her neck, along her collarbone, to her breasts where he stops to pay attention to her nipples, one at a time, eliciting moans and gasps of pleasure from her luscious lips. She arches her back as he continues trailing kisses down her chest and abdomen, practically squirming by the time he reaches her soft folds.

He breathes in her scent, then moves in to taste her, his large hands gently gripping her hips to hold her still. Her fingers twine in his hair, boldly directing him where to go as he uses his lips and tongue to explore her warm, wet, folds. In less time than she would like to admit, she is pressing his face to her, gasping and writhing and repeating "yes, yes" over and over as he brings her to a climax. He can feel her muscles contracting and redoubles his efforts, and is rewarded by a gush of her juices as she comes.

Her pleasure has him throbbing with desire, and when she uses her grip on his hair to pull him up over her he is eager to comply. Covering her sweating body with kisses, he moves up to cover her and feels her trembling fingers wrap around his shaft as she guides him to her opening. Shaking with need, yet wanting to make it last, he begins to slowly enter her. With a frustrated cry, she thrusts her hips up toward him and wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him into her in a single thrust. He cries out with surprise and pleasure, and goaded by her throaty whispers against his ear he begins to thrust into her faster and faster. In moments he feels a familiar tightening in his belly as he nears his own climax. The feeling of her muscles squeezing him tightly inside her makes it impossible for him to hold back. With his face tightly against her neck, he lets out a muffled cry as he peaks, his whole body shaking as he spills into her.

For a long while he can't stop shaking, and just lies there wrapped in her limbs as if in a cocoon, feeling more relaxed than he can ever remember feeling before. Finally, she feels him relax, his breathing growing deeper as he drifts into sleep.


End file.
